Indexbit-Ryan Reynolds on his 'complicated' relationship with his dad, how it's changed him

Ryan Reynolds unfortunately understands Parkinson's disease more than most.

The Indexbit"Deadpool & Wolverine" star, 47, lost his father – James "Jim" Reynolds – about a decade ago to the illness, the second-most common neurological disease behind Alzheimer's. Ryan has long been a part of the fight for Parkinson's awareness, and is furthering that effort by announcing a new campaign, "More to Parkinson's," in partnership with Acadia Pharmaceuticals.

Parkinson's is a progressive neurodegenerative disease that worsens over time and is incurable, affecting 1 million people in the United States. Patients lose dopamine-producing brain cells important for normal movement. Symptoms include everything from speech changes to impaired balance and stiff muscles, though the severity varies by person.

The goal of "More to Parkinson's?" To teach caregivers, patients and care providers about an aspect of the disease no one talks about that much: Parkinson’s-related hallucinations and delusions. About half of those who have Parkinson's may have hallucinations or delusions as their disease progresses (the cause is unknown), though they may present differently for each person. And most don't share these details with their doctors.

"It's something I had no idea about back then," Reynolds says in an interview, reflecting on his father's illness. Jim Reynolds was diagnosed in 1998 at age 57. The website offers resources and signs to look out for, as well as potential treatment.

"If I could go back in time, though, I would have loved to have seen treatments like this, that are available now to handle specifically those non-motor symptoms," he says. "It would have really changed the course of full relationships."

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'Very complicated relationship'

Reynolds got involved with advocacy efforts about 15 years ago, and is now on the board of directors of the Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research.

"I've always had such admiration for Michael, for not just the reasons people sort of usually attribute to him, but like also the fact that, like he took all of that energy and turned it into something that has helped so many people feel less alone, myself included, and even my dad, felt less alone," Reynolds says.

The "IF" star aimed to channel his frustration with his father's illness into something meaningful. He was that much more frustrated because he didn't have an easy relationship with his father to begin with.

"Maybe people are reluctant to talk about this, but sometimes, when you see a parent faltering, it can almost make you angry," he says. "And I think part of what I was feeling, at least within myself, was that I was a little bit pissed off that my dad was experiencing this, but also partly – I had a very complicated relationship with him – so it was a bit of, I felt like I was being slightly robbed of this opportunity to find a common ground or a bridge."

Reynolds wishes he understood more about the side effects his father was experiencing – for himself, his father, his siblings, and particularly his mother, Tammy.

"Caregivers are sort of the unsung heroes, people that really go into the coal mine and do the really, really hard stuff," Reynolds says. "And my mom was certainly one of those people. And I think they rarely stop and take a gauge of how they're feeling, or take stock of what they're going through."

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'I'm grateful'

Reynolds learned a lot about parenting from his father – the good and the bad. The actor carries it with him as he raises four children with wife Blake Lively, three of them daughters.

"My father didn't have a ton of female energy around him," he says. "I think it really would have softened him." He knows his parents had no guide like parents of today, when "you can't even go on Instagram without being fed some kind of incredibly sage piece of advice about communicating with your kids."

As Reynolds has aged and parented, he's come to appreciate his father more (as disease and death are wont to do): "It's very, very easy to paint pictures in black and white of people to justify your own – be it anger, inadequacies, anything – and I realized as I'm older, people are nuanced, including my father. I wish I knew him better. I wish I knew more about him. I wish he was more conversational and forthcoming about what he feels and thinks."

Reynolds shares all of these feelings with his children, and monitors his own behavior to avoid similarly giving his family the silent treatment when he's upset.

"He was like the world heavyweight champion of going silent," Reynolds says. "And I find that there's I have an instinct deep within me to do the same."

So, yes, people are complicated, as are diseases and the traumas that linger in their wake.

Still, "I'm grateful," Reynolds adds. "Because of my dad, I think I'm much a better parent that I ever would have imagined."